It is true that I am a wanderer. I am not a traveller in the coordinated sense. I have no itinerary. I almost never have a liberal budget, and never a budget designed to last more than a few weeks, or to do more than get me from the last job to the next. Some places I see well; most places I see little. My movements are random.

A traveller plans to see a bunch of destinations, to see most of them only once, to move systematically from one to the next, to do it mainly on finances already saved, and often with much of the transport arranged beforehand. As a wanderer, I stay when I think I will leave, or leave when I think I will stay; I go where work or women beacon; I have money for the basics, but for little more; I am more interested in lifestyle than being a tourist; and I conduct my sightseeing around a central point - the place where I work and live - on the occasions when I have earned the money to afford doing so.

There are other key distinctions - anyone who has travelled (or moved around) for six or more years like me, must surely be quite the wanderer - but for all these distinctions I wish only to assert the fact that I am one. It is simply quite difficult for me to remain in one place, and it may be that presently no job, location, or amount of money will keep me. The romantic in me still wants to experience other cultures and countries, even if this means small savings and an unstable looking resume. I shall live a long life (touch wood) and there will be plenty of time for settling down. I aim to be an author. For what I want to write, I need the experiences of many cultures and countries behind me, and I need a solid grasp on world history and international politics. I have been dreaming about Russia since my Auckland days, and the desire still burns in me to go there. This may be the last country I need to see and feel so intimately, but see and feel it, I must.

Having touched on my dreams about Russia just now, I will offer an opinion: It is my belief that Destiny somehow works at the hand of some synchronised force. Very simply, I think that this force, or Synchonicity, is influenced by the sum of one's needs and by every positive and negative, conscious and unconscious thought that one may have and nurture. Following on from this, it seems understandable to me that if I want for things that do not and cannot complement one another, then there must be a resultant clash. Life may still go the way that I ultimately desire - the way of my greatest dreams - but it need necessarily be a difficult process as lesser goals are either realised or overridden. In short, if I dream of and pursue two incompatible things, then I am consequently making things difficult for myself. I may dream of mixing chocolate and vanilla ice-cream, but to mix ice-cream with mince beef is incompatible and not very nice, even when each is nice on its own.

To put an end to this problem, which I think explains some of the chaos owing to the last couple of years, I believe I must fine-tune my dreams and dedicate myself to the things that I truly want and need. I need to be careful from now on that lesser dreams, or inconsistent fantasies, are not at odds with these greater ambitions. I should take care that my dreams will not conflict with one another, and I should quit dreaming about anything that does not fit in with the greater whole.

And so it has been that for some years now - with my wandering ways, my aims as an English teacher, and my heart always looking towards new horizons - that I believe I may have been inviting some chaos into my life. As I sit here writing this, it seems that I have gotten much that I have wanted. After all, I explicitly wanted to live in at least five foreign countries, pursue my career in each of them, and meet excellent people and special women along the way. However, along this path, there has been much confusion, some loss, some hard times, some contradictions, and some right muddles. Now coming to the story of why I left Germany, I come to my most recent, perhaps my most potent, and certainly my most revealing example.

As a professional, I am not going to name my boss or his school in the following article. I will not use this site to discredit businesses owing to personal grudges. To do so would compromise me as a teacher and possibly invite some kind of negative Karma. With this article, I put this experience behind me.

Over the next few weeks I felt uncomfortable about many things - patronising tasks, inadequate resources, unjustified expenses - but worst of all was an argument over my visa status. Simply, I had been told in writing by the German Embassy in New Zealand, the New Zealand Embassy in Berlin, and the visa office in Stuttgart, that I couldn't apply for a freelance visa on a New Zealand passport. My new boss told me that I could trust him and that he could get me this visa, but not knowing him, and being privy to contradictory and authoritative information, I asked him not to be offended that I still wanted this issue to be cleared up before I could fully commit to his school. As I pointed out, people have asked me to trust them before, but sometimes things go wrong even when it's not their fault. Three authorities had told me the same thing. I made it clear that I was not prepared to turn down other good job offers (Russia), only to discover several months later that my visa was denied and that I was in trouble for illegally working in Germany. Finally, my boss agreed to put my papers through as soon as possible, but this issue had brought us to considerable odds. He asked me whether I was still completely committed to his school. I replied in the affirmative, and asked for a likewise expression of commitment from him. He remained evasive. I should have left then and there.

Cutting a long story short, the students were great and I loved my classes, but I didn't love my boss, his school, and his pedantic and often unnecessary demands. I could expect a reasonable income, but after tax, living costs, work costs, and other horrific expenses (such as a criminally expensive compulsory health insurance), I reckoned that I would do reasonably well, but not amazingly. Observing currency differences, I could earn as much teaching in Australia and hope to save considerably more. With my wandering ways, my heart turning towards Kasia in Poland, and my ambitions turning towards teaching in Russia, I resolved to do a good job but not to tolerate miss-treatment from these people. I resolved to stand up for myself if they took me for granted, and took me for granted they did.

On principle, I believe that if an employer has the right to expect certain things, then the employee has this right also. Labour unions would agree with me. I work to earn money and I choose my jobs accordingly. If an employer gives me work on the promise of high pay and in the knowledge that I am turning down other very suitable offers, and if I do a professional job, then I expect the kind of hours and money that are promised me. When my schedule was reduced considerably - with no indication that students were less than very happy with me, no adequate explanation provided (the other teachers still having normal hours), and no other reasons offered - I wrote the following letter:

Hello [a manager],

Now that I have finished covering for [another teacher], I would like some more classes of my own. At the moment, I am down to five per week. I should like to have around fifteen to seventeen.

Also, if it is possible to keep Friday free at the moment, that would be appreciated. Please let me know what classes you may have for me, and when, as soon as possible.

Kind regards,

Jonny

I have seldom been happier to leave a job and I am somewhat annoyed at myself that I accepted the job or continued with it in the first place. I am also left wondering how much my alternative dreams, such as either being with Kasia or going to Russia, caused me to be less agreeable than I might have been, and so I cannot say that this episode is entirely my employer's fault. Although I have told my story as best I can, I am not perfect, I am subjective and often biased, and it is possible that I didn't handle the situation as well as I could have assuming my intentions were to remain in Kassel. Had I truly wanted to stay, I might have accepted more and protested less. However, I was becoming bored of Kassel, and perhaps I somewhat unconsciously handled the situation in accordance with my greater goals.

Now that I am going to Russia, and feeling a whole lot better about this than the old prospect of remaining in Kassel for a couple of years, I believe that Kassel was the conflicting dream all along. I wanted Germany and I wanted Russia. Now I shall have both and my greater dreams will be realised. What I must learn from this, however, is whatever it takes to stop such life transitions from being near disasters in future. My dream of remaining in Germany for so long was wrong to begin with, and planning my life accordingly lead to considerable disruptions.

As asserted and defended in this entry, I believe the answer is for me to tailor my dreams to be more focused towards what I want. I must insure that all dreams are complimentary with one another. Kasia and I have decided that I will go to Russia at least for the nine months of my contract. All going well, I will make something of my career once more. Depending on the way things go this month with Kasia, I will either dedicate myself to eventually coming back to Poland to be with her, or Russia will be my way out. If I am to be with Kasia, I will come back determined to work in a position of responsibility or to otherwise open my own school. If we are not to be, I will either decide to remain for some while in Russia, or I may eventually leave again to pursue other work in greener pastures.

The Acid Test: Am I a Complete Idiot?

In some fairness to the school in Kassel: the school exists, and so it must be true that other teachers have been more successful than me. Indeed, they have been. However, I was not the only one to feel extremely unhappy about my treatment over the first month. I once thought the long-term teachers represented a positive and candid endorsement for the school. I now think that perhaps they were partly of the right mold (being obliging individuals) and partly selling the school in the hope of selling it to themselves.

I have since met former teachers and other people who share the worst opinion of the school's owner. They all commented on the incredible ego of the man. As for the teachers who remain, the consensus seems to be this: Try not to be indignant about frequent injustices, never expect to successfully argue a point, avoid Management as much as possible, accurately complete all administration on time and do your job well, and you might do very well at the school. I failed on all but the last points.

In asking myself whether I may have made the wrong decision, I consider the school's conduct and lack of integrity since leaving, and I feel my decision was quite justified. Firstly, ignoring my own objections, their main objection focused on our visa argument from more than a month prior. They chose to feel offended that I didn't just blindly trust them as complete strangers. Consequently, I am left wondering why they allowed me to forfeit other job offers, and the significant costs of establishing myself, if our various differences and misunderstandings from this time had destroyed our working relationship. I was quite prepared to leave at that time, and in committing to them I had thought that these differences were behind us.

Finally, and simply, they have underpaid me by a crafty 126 Euro. This is not a complete disaster, but it is nevertheless wrong, and I think it is the final symptom of the kind of risks I am exposed to as an international English teacher. Some schools force you to bear all the costs (and with international airfares, this is at some considerable risk), perhaps in order to create in you a vested interest in remaining with the school. In this way, they hope to get away with more. They think I won't be prepared to leave if they fail to meet their obligations, such as regular classes, etc. Now, they probably think that I won't bother to do anything about a mere 126 Euro, and so they attempt to get away with it. They ignore my emails of protest and fail even to offer some kind of explanation. They are wrong in thinking that I will do nothing about it, but the point is that I am not wrong in failing to cooperate with even small-time crooks.

5.06.2005: It took several months longer than it should have, but my old boss was proper enough to eventually pay the money he owed me, and it should be said that according to his calculations he owed me a little bit more than I thought he did. Also, as far as I know he did this of his own accord and not because of any actions that I was putting into place (and which have now ceased). I remain a little indignant at the whole thing, but such is life. People cannot always get along, and when things go wrong it is not always because of any evil on anyone's side. I no longer think of them as 'small-time crooks', although perhaps they could consider their conduct as I have considered mine. I am sure he is better off with whomever replaced me, and I am now better off in Russia.

Germany, I still love you; Poland, I always will love you; and Russia, make way for another lover!